I miss you. Good God. I miss you so much. Your eyes, your laugh, your smile. The way you used to hold me and tell me you loved me. Life used to be so carefree and genuinely nice. I think about you a lot, not that it’s something i like to admit. I hope you’re doing okay. I hope life has turned out as beautiful for you as it has for me.
I miss you, the old you. The guy who kissed my forehead and held my hand. You used to smile and laugh but now you just stare. We used to have so much love for eachother. I don’t know how we got here. Now you scream at me, tell me you hate me. You hit me, choke me, talk down to me. I’m not enough, I don’t do enough. What more can I do when I’m taking care of our child? Is this not what you wanted? A family of your own. I can take care of us, him and I, but I will always love you. Regardless of the bruises and the painful words you say. I’m busting my ass to make you hapy, but you still treat me like I’m nothing. What did I do to deserve this? I just want to run away.
I got asked how I was doing, how are will and I, how is Gannon, do we have everything we need, what’s been going on. But the answers are all the same.
I’m doing amazing, Will and I have never been better. I wish he was home more but he’s a hardworking man and I appreciate it very much. Gannon is great, he’s growing and he’s happy and he has an amazing family. We have more than enough of everything we want and need. We are a very blessed family and I am very lucky to have such an amazing family situation. Nothing has been going on, I’ve been being the best mommy and girlfriend I can be to my boys. That’s all that matters.
I think maybe something might be wrong with me? So the night before last, Will accidentally hurt me when we were playing around and it made me tear up. But once I started tearing up, I full blown started crying even though it didn’t really hurt that bad. I ended up crying for almost 20 minutes and I know he felt so bad but I just couldn’t stop crying.
Our relationship has been so rocky ever since he started his job drilling, I thought it was going to get better with time but it just feels like it’s getting worse and worse. It’s to the point now that he calls me a bitch (or some form of bitch) two or three times a day and he likes to argue and scream at me in front of Gannon. I just really can’t handle this.
(Source: randomlifefacts.com)
Three years ago, I was laying in this exact spot, bleeding from wrist and thighs. Thinking to myself that it would never get better and I was better of dead.
Tonight I lay in this spot, with the man I’m in love with as he talks to our unborn son. Thinking to myself nineteen more weeks and we will have everything.
Thinking to myself “thank god I never gave up”.
It gets better, I promise you. Give it time, it gets better.
(Source: youcanhearsilence)